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You Found Me

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ctlx.
Carlene Tan Li Xuan
11th July 1988.
Currently 23+.
Studied in St. Anthony's Canossian Primary and Secondary School,
SRJC (first 3 months),
TPJC, NUS FASS (econs).
loves family, friends, chocs, western desserts, yellow, etc etc.

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note: links are the colourful boxes on the right of this column. :)
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Saturday, February 18, 2006
Stickwitu(Stick with you) by Pussycat Dolls

I don't want to go another day
So I'm telling you exactly what is on my mind
Seems like everybody is breaking up
Throwing their love away
I know I got a good thing right here
That's why I say (Hey)

Nobody's going to love me better
I must stick with you
Forever
Nobody's going to take me higher
I must stick with you
You know how to appreciate me
I must stick with you
My baby
Nobody ever made me feel this way
I must stick with you

I don't want to go another day
So I'm telling you exactly what is on my mind
See the way we ride
In our privated lives
Ain't nobody getting in between
I want you to know that you're the only one for me
And I say

Nobody's going to love me better
I must stick with you
Forever
Nobody's going to take me higher
I must stick with you
You know how to appreciate me
I must stick with you
My baby
Nobody ever made me feel this way
I must stick with you

And now
Ain't nothing else I can need
And nowI'm singing 'cause you're so, so into me
I got you
We'll be making love endlessly
I'm with you
Baby, you're with me
So don't you worry about

People hanging around
They ain't bringing us down
I know you and you know me
And that's all that counts
So don't you worry about
People hanging around
They ain't bringing us down
I know you and you know me
And that's why I say

Nobody's going to love me better
I must stick with you
Forever
Nobody's going to take me higher
I must stick with you
You know how to appreciate me
I must stick with you
My baby
Nobody ever made me feel this way
I must stick with you

Nobody's going to love me better
I must stick with you
Forever
Nobody's going to take me higher
I must stick with you
You know how to appreciate me
I must stick with you
My baby
Nobody ever made me feel this way
I must stick with you

This is a really nice song and go download it if you can. A really nice song. =)


Friday, February 17, 2006
My topic today: Trust

Trust is a funny thing. You take donkey years to build it up, but all can be lost in a second.

Building trust is like taking a glass container into the middle of the field waiting for it to be filled with rainwater. When rain falls, drops of rain collect inside the container. Like trust, it build up drop by drop. Day after day, if rain falls, water builds up. Like friendship, trust between friends build up the same way. Trust isn't a gift from heaven; it takes time; takes faith, just like collecting of rainwater. Likewise between friends, you need to spend time together, to know each other better and thus, slowly build up trust.

It isn't always a smooth process of course. Like the weather, there are days the sun decides to spoil your efforts and the scorching sun evapourates some of the water in your container. Like between friends, there are quarrels and disagreements, but you do not stop there. It will rain again soon, just like things will become peaceful between friends again.

Then as days pass; weeks pass; months pass, the water collected reach nearer and nearer to the brim. Like trust, as days, weeks, months pass, trust collects and builds up. Now, instead of "hey, nice clothes u have" kind of talks between friends, its "man, i feel like crap. last night... ..." kind of talks. You confide in each other. You hand to them your sorrows, of which hopefully they can hepl and guide you.

At last, the container's filled. You pick it up, and head home. It's amazing how much use a glass container of water can bring to you. you could wash clothes with it, or maybe water plants so on and so forth. Just like friendship, this is the peak period. The best moments of the friendship. "hey! my cute guy!!" =) or "my bf disappointed me when he said... ...". Important things that goes on during our daily life. Special little secrets shared between just you and me.

But, sadly, you saw something. You drop the glass container of water. It shatters. Not a single drop of water is left. You stare at it. You don't get it. How can something you took so long to collect be lost in just 1 action. Just a moment of carelessness. Just a moment of disbelief. Like trust, all can be lost within a second. Something your friend did, something your friend said, some action your friend made, anyone of these possibilities can make this trust you once cherished so much, this trust that took so much time to build up disappear right before you. You start to cry.

Of course, you can join the broken pieces back; or you could just get another glass container and fill it again. But it won't ever be the same will it? Fixing it back will leave a scar that can never be erased. Getting a new 1 wouldn't be the same. Anyhow; any choice, the mark will always be there. Just like trust, of course you can build it up again. Maybe this time, it'll take twice the amount of time than before. It'll take many action; a great deal of sincerity to reach the level it was before. But somehow, the hurt is there, the memory is there. So hard to erase; so hard to forgive. Just like the broken container. So hard to forgive youself for that 1 careless mistake that cost everything to go to waste.

Just like real life, many of these incidents happen around us everyday. One moment, we'll be best friends and just a second later, we're enemies. And all it take to change this friendship so drastically is trust.

You trust a friend. Tell him/her all your sadness; your sorrows; your grief; your happiest moments; tell him/her all your relationship problems. To most of us, we know what we can tell others what we can't. We know for sure relationship problems should just be kept like a little secret between you and that friend. You trust that friend to not make a fool of you; and more so, never to stab you in the back. But this friend does the opposite. He/she know not what to say and what not to. everything is spilled out. Not the exact way you told him/her but with variations. Bad variations. These "real" stories make people who you could once talk to change their mind. People around you start distancing themselves away. And even they too start talking behind your back. Everyone looks at you with demeaning eyes. How would you feel? Can you trust this person again? can you forgive him/her all in all. It isn't easy at all huh.

Well, all it takes is just to trust ONE wrong perosn and your life's in a dismal mess. To pick up again needs a whole lot of moral support from people who really care.
To my friends who've been through what i've just mentioned:
Don't give up and don't feel devastated cause i know out there in the world, there are people who'll be there for you no matter what. Your family for one will deifinitely be with you. Your true friends will always be there. So pick up yourself against those superficial people who believe whatever they hear before finding out the truth. As long as you're true to yourself, you don't have to be afraid of these kind of people. Although it isn't easy, but its possible.

Love, carlene


Wednesday, February 15, 2006
well.. i wanna give special thanks to 2 guys in class namely lin hui and yi hao, who made the extra effort to get something for us. thank u!!!! =D

to my aunt:
u're done so much for our community,
u've taught to ur best ability.
u worked so hard to make them learn,
it's a pity u didn't get to enjoy ur golden years.
But i'm sure up there in the heavens above,
u'll enjoy much more than u ever yearn.
In every child's heart u'll always be,
that 1 true teacher that'll never leave.
Imprinted in all our hearts will be,
this kind and compassionate aunt
who worked so hard and was so filial,
a good example for all to see.
And fret not bout ur family,
cos they will cherish themselves
so please don't worry.
Cast your fears and worries all away,
and leave to heaven peacefully.
In our minds u'll always be,
that 1 great aunt leng who'll never leave.

u know.. i think the greatest as in really, the greatest career a person could take is to become a teacher. having to face rowdy pupils like some guys in my class can be really sickening. just take for today, i think they really upsetted the chem teacher. i mean there's really nothing wrong with them using our class for 20 mins or so wad. honestly i wonder, when will anyone learn to appreciate teachers. well, i guess those who take short cuts, leave u to do as u please aren't really great teachers. i take my hat off to those who persistently nags at pupils to do their work and never give up on any pupil no matter what sort of pupil tt is. that is definitely no easy task, and instead of appreciating these teachers, some students just complain behind their backs, try means and ways to argue with them and make them piss off and they just dun know where to stop. i'm not saying a class should be all quiet and stoney but i'm saying.. at least know when to shut up. ah wells, i really hope there'll be more of these kind of teachers who really take pride in their work and teaching and more of pupils who know how to appreciate and respect these teachers.


Tuesday, February 14, 2006
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY CUM FRIENDSHIP WEEK TO EVERYONE!!!!

today, i recieved some really nice surprises and first, i wanna thank all those lovely people who gave me those really sweet gifts only to get something not so nice in return. =X namely to xue fang, my OGMs(some of them) and junlong... thank u guys sooooooo much. well, i am really really happy today... love my classmates, thanks for all the gifts... and to my besties.. thank u guys for the effort. and to scruffy of course.. i love ur gift to bits and pieces, its really sweet... love the dog especially. haha... and of course to all the friends for that extra thought. =) well.. i'm sure today.. everyone went home smiling at least...

1st msg:
To all couples... may u always be together forever and ever and ever and ever. haha.. wait wait.. on second thought.. may every second u 2 spend together be the most memorable moments in ur whole entire life(and i'm sure it will be). may we all learn to tolerate and appreciate each other and always have faith because without it, no relationship is ever going to work. and with each and everyday spent with each other, may we help each other grow to be a better person. let us all cherish every moment we have with each other and make the best use of it. May jealousy never be in the way for u guys, and may we all bai tou dao lao. =) cheers!!

2nd msg:
To all those who have been hurt. Well.. it may be Valentine's day and it may be a lonely celebration but don't ever forget that there'll be friends who'll support u through no matter what, and yes, sometimes(in fact most times) guys are jerks. Don't ever let jerks stand ur way and move on cos things can only get better rite?? =) May u all pick up urselves soon and when the time comes, may the BEST prince charming there was ever be yours. Don't ever give up on anything or don't ever belittle urself at anything because we all can do it. jia you!!!

3rd msg:
To all my friends. Thank u for being my friend and tolerating all my nonsense, accpeting the crappy me; the insane me; the sometimes tactless me. may our friendship last for a LONG LONG LONG time. let us all tong gan gong ku an be really grateful for the friends around us and may we all learn to accomadate each others differences and tolerate each others nonsense and in doing so, be a happier person. cheers u guys.. =)




Saturday, February 11, 2006
Thankful
by
Heather

Thank you my friend
For just being you
For just being there
When I needed you
For giving and giving
Without a reprieve
For giving me someone
To trust and believe
You gave me your shoulder
Your ear and your heart
And by this you kept me
From falling apart
You shared with me some
Of your wisdom and mirth
And you made me feel like
I was someone of worth
Because you were there
You made me feel that someone cared
Through all the heartache and grief
You taught me how to smile instead of weep
And all the while I was blue
I was thankful to have a friend like you

Got this poem online. cool huh. just for my turtle. thanks for being there. =) we're both really great now. thanks to u. haha.. well cool.. see ya 2mr then!!!

well... school's getting really stressful. esp GP... wait.. in fact. its everything. ah wells. i'm sure we can all pull through. jia you da jia!!!


Tuesday, February 07, 2006
first.. i wanna wish my buddy xue ling HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! may all ur wishes and dreams come true. may u pass all ur tests and exams with flying colours and forever be happy. =) take good care ya.. hope to see u soon!!! *hugz*

Here's a song "don't love you no more"

[VERSE 1]
For all the years that I've known you baby
I can't figure out the reason why lately you've been acting so cold(didn't you say)
If there's a problem we should work it out
So why you giving me the cold shoulder now
Like you don't even wanna talk to me girl(tell me)
Ok I know I was late again
I made you mad and dinners thrown in (the bin)
But why are you making this thing drag on so long(I wanna know)
I'm sick and tired of this silly game(silly games)
Don't think that I'm the only one here to blame
It's not me here who's been going round slamming doors
That's when you turned and said to me
I don't care babe who's right or wrong
I just don't love you no more.

[CHORUS]
Rain outside my window pouring down
What now, your gone, my fault, I'm sorry
Feeling like a fool cause I let you down
Now it's, too late, to turn it around
I'm sorry for the tears I made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
You made it clear when you said
I just don't love you no more

[VERSE 2]
I know that I made a few mistakes
But never thought that things would turn out this way
Cause I'm missing something now that your gone(I see it all so clearly)
Me at the door with you in a state(in a state)
Giving my reasons but as you look awayI can see a tear roll down your face
That's when you turned and said to me
I don't care babe who's right or wrong
I just don't love you no more.

[CHORUS]
Rain outside my window pouring down
What now, your gone, my fault, I'm sorry
Feeling like a fool cause I let you down
Now it's, too late, to turn it around
I'm sorry for the tears I made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
You made it clear when you said
I just don't love you no more

[BRIDGE]
Don't say those words it's so hard
They turn my whole world upside down
Girl you caught me completely off guard
On the night you said to me
I just don't love you more.

[CHORUS 2X]
Rain outside my window pouring down
What now, your gone, my fault, I'm sorry
Feeling like a fool cause I let you down
Now it's, too late, to turn it around
I'm sorry for the tears I made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
You made it clear when you said
I just don't love you no more

This song.. well... just kinda like the melody and all so ya.. *chuckles*
well... its road run 2mr.. hopefully everyone has fun yeah?

Hm.. life's kinda getting more and more mundane nowadays. its just books, papers, teacher's voices and people sleeping. its really stressful,first time i'm stressing out so much, and i'm sure many of us feel the same. it's really sucking the life out of me. soon, it'll just be souless carlene floating around. =(

haha.. found out from minfeng that green's a bad luck colour of dragons this year. how lucky, we're in green everyday. =X alright. now on the lighter note.. i'm sure if everyone works hard, we all can do it. =)

My teacher was giving us some "idea" on what he thought we could major in the university and he said i probably major in business, but i doubt it cos i mean, my thinking's so narrow, i don't seem to get the broad picture. =( and thus, business.. hm... gotta think twice. but i thank him for his advice cos maybe that'll make me work even harder. =)

oh yeah... to everyone whose recieving their o'level results this friday.. GOOD LUCK!!! jia you ba.. u can do it!! =)


Thursday, February 02, 2006
After being out of my comfort zone(which is out of my second home, SAC) for a year thereabout, i'm sort of awakened by the harsh realities of life( although i know there's much more i haven't experience), but after a year or so, i finally understood the meaning of "not everything will go the way u planned or the way u please". and realise that sometimes, people can be so cunning and sly and malipulative to an unbelievable extent which makes u question "don't they have any consience?" after hearing and seeing so much, i find it so hard to speak the way i use to, the anything also can, just be yourself kinda thing. it's like some people get offended so easily, and they're not as tolerant as people back in SAC. i don't know...

i was flipping through my lil notes from my friends and i saw 1 which said that i was rather irritating cos i got intrigued by the slightest things. u know, i never thought that would be irritating. and i really thank her for telling me cos otherwise, i wouldn't know how many tons of pple i'd have irritated so i'm trying to erm, not be so amused. =)

and having met with hypocritical pple(as in really hypocritical), i feel so proud that i have such honest and nice classmates, schoolmates and bestest pals and really, there is nothing more 1 can ask for. =) i'm really glad i have pple whom i can relate and trust wholly and just be myself.and more importantly, accept me for the way i am. =D and i really hope everyone out there can find pple whom they can totally let go with, and within have no backstabbing whatsoever. That would be good. =)

Guess i haven't had much time to spend with my pals and all cos i guess i was too caught up spending time with my lil puppy but i'll try. time management is crucial huh... which reminds me i should now be off to doing my news analysis which is blood sucking. terrible i tell u. i'm not even sure what i'm suppose to do or write. help!!!

and to those taking part in chingay.. enjoy yourselves and specially to turtle.. have fun blading!! and dun be sooo pissed with the poor guy.. =)